-Hey, guys, I want to say congratulations
to the Boston Red Sox,
who won the World Series last night.
[ Cheers and applause ]
♪♪
It's Boston's ninth time winning the Series,
or as the Yankees put it, "Aww, that's cute."
[ Laughter ]
"Call me when you win 27." [ Laughter ]
Last night marks the first World Series win
for the Red Sox since 2013.
Today, 5-year-olds in Boston were like,
"Finally, the curse is broken."
[ Laughter and applause ]
But the Red Sox had a historic year, winning 119 games.
Wow. It's incredible.
That's like one win for every Wahlberg brother.
[ Laughter and applause ]
In case you missed it,
here's a clip of the Red Sox the moment they won.
-Red Sox win the World Series!
-Yeah. That's fun. Now here's a clip --
[ Laughter ]
Here's a clip of the Dodgers the moment they realize
that they don't have to visit the White House.
-♪ We are the champions ♪
[ Laughter ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
-There's always a silver lining in there.
Check this out. This weekend, Donald Trump
hosted trick-or-treaters at the White House.
Kids were excited 'cause they met the president,
while Trump was excited
'cause he thinks he met Captain America.
[ Laughter ]
"Thank you for your service.
Wow!
Much smaller than I thought he would be."
[ Laughter ]
"Captain America."
That's right, Halloween is just two days away,
and here in New York, the MTA created a haunted subway
filled with creepy lighting and zombies.
Passengers said, "Wow, this is terrifying."
Then officials said, "Oh, no, this is just
the regular D train." [ Laughter ]
The haunted one is --"
Some political news. At an event this weekend,
Hillary Clinton didn't rule out running for president in 2020.
Even the company that's building the Titanic II was like,
"That sounds like a bad idea."
[ Laughter and applause ]
Listen to this -- after losing their first
six games of the season, the Cleveland Cavaliers
have fired their head coach.
[ Audience "Oohs" ]
Apparently all he was doing during games was shouting,
"Pass it to LeBron!" [ Laughter ]
"Not even on the team any --"
Check this out. After losing all
their games last year and winning just two this year,
the Cleveland Browns have also fired their head coach.
When they told him, he was like, "Wait. I was the head coach?"
[ Laughter and applause ]
"Me?"
Guys, the news can sometimes be pretty heavy,
so I thought I'd like to take a second to focus,
in a poetic way, on some of the news stories
that you might have missed that are a bit lighter.
You'll see what I mean. It's time for "In Lighter News."
[ Cheers and applause ]
♪ In Lighter News ♪
-Roses are red. Violets are mean.
The CDC says it's okay to dress up your chickens for Halloween.
[ Laughter ]
Roses are red. Violets are worthy.
Man gets entire back tattooed with Michael Jordan's Jersey.
[ Laughter ]
Roses are red. Violets are dire.
California man using blow torch
to kill spider starts house fire.
[ Laughter and applause ]
Roses are red. Violets are plenty.
50 Cent says he bought 200 front-row tickets
to a Ja Rule concert just so they'd be empty.
[ Laughter and applause ]
Roses are red. Violets make sounds.
New Jersey ex-superintendent
admits to pooping on a nearby high school's grounds.
[ Laughter and applause ]
Here's the last one.
Roses are red. Violets are all that.
Lonely office worker buys adorable puppy from breeder
only to discover it is a rat.
[ Audience groans ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
♪ In Lighter News ♪
And, finally, this is going viral.
A high school band in Mississippi
was practicing outside
when the sprinklers were suddenly turned on.
Well, check out what the band director did to protect them.
[ Cheers and applause ]
[ Laughter ]
-It got awkward when band practice ended
and he just kept standing there. [ Laughter ]
Guys, we have a great show tonight.
Give it up for The Roots!
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