- okay to not be to like be treated for things and I'm also to like not okay to
be functional in the real world
good morning today what is it Thursday Friday something like that but oh it's
Thursday because tomorrow I will still be home and there will still be nobody
home but today I am supposed to make muffins later I have PT this morning and
then I'm supposed to make chocolate pumpkin muffin because Zeus's was upon
request from Sue's friend because I don't know why but we went to Target
yesterday because you're out of brown sugar and Lucroy know the two things
don't go together but we were out but look what I got yesterday it says it's
from the kids section on the if you go this way
naughty well no I kind of need to flatten it out more for you - you'll see
and then if I go the other way on the nice list
zou says that is not to be worn right now although I don't see why not
it's November but anyways and then tomorrow I'm probably not gonna vlog
because I'm going by Zeus's school and oh I might be I don't know if I actually
am and when I go there the vlogs are really short because I don't film there
because there's lots of kids and don't wanna be filming them also I was
thinking of making two different videos tomorrow like just my usual babbling on
and on on and blabbity blah be cause I was I need to make the video
about the like inside clean out the three different ones that I've had done
or that I've had to do I there's pros and cons to them all I still think that
though maybe the what I did last was the best slash easiest I don't know I did
not projectile vomit everywhere let's just say that like we have pretty low
standards I mean how how good do you think it would be because of what it is
but yes and I was gonna make a video about the thing like all right I had a
long time ago like over a year ago I filmed I started filming the series
called my EDS and it was talking about like things with that but I never filmed
again after I film that first day and made like 4 videos so it's gonna film
another one for that bye no longer film like where I did before so I guess
whatever and last night when Zeus came home she was looking at me and she
realized like when I texted her about it she realized that my left side beside
that I was telling her was numb Vashti Neely is my good side
and when I walk it hurts so bad and my arms hurt and there I think there was
some more like I don't even know what it's called like I think this like I'm
in like this slow downhill like me but I really wish my body would either get it
together and start working or hurry up it's downhill spiral so that we can do
something about it because right now I'm in this place where I'm like - okay to
not be to like be treated for things and I'm also too
like not okay to be functional in the real world cuz it's just not working out
so I will be at Fiji and then probably do fast mode muffins or something and
then I don't know because I don't think I have anything like please I do want to
make start making the gingerbread because that's why we got brown sugar
yesterday but I don't know where the butt was going all those oh it's should
I make like recipe videos for some of these things that I make like the
cookies Center made for Halloween and those are just the tasty like bitches
spinner cookie recipe I guess that's what it was called and then the pies
yesterday I really didn't follow the recipe so yeah I kind of just did my own
thing I used like their ingredient list and then just made it my own because we
all saw how well I measure things the only thing I actually measured was the
brown sugar yesterday but that's okay and then today I'm doing the gingerbread
the gingerbread is from the Southern Living
Christmas cookbook this one I went a a customer at the store that I worked at
it gave them to everybody so that's where I got that I don't know where you
can get that cookbook but it which is really nice and stuff but I missed them
but I can't go over there because well I can only go over there on days when I
have my driver Zeus at home because how are you supposed to drive somewhere when
you really can't I need to leave for PT now because I'm
getting late and I'm just talking but really really cold and I took okay so
this happens sometimes when I take my morning pills I get really nauseous and
that happened this morning I don't even know why because like I know I
understand why it would happen on mornings when I can't drink and me okay
but then I'd rate but that I just take the pills anyways because the vitamins
like some of them are like fat soluble so they need fat to let help them along
so I I understand that but then our mornings when I drink any okay and then
I still get nauseous like for real body like I've just tried to give you the
things you want but oh did oh no I think no we're good
I thought I took my night pills right now and I was like well that could be
why - we get it there's a lot more those and I take extra stuff at night my tooth
is getting really bad this one I don't really know what happened about when I
see I dentist definitely like what the heck that looks like you bit um like I
was a beaver up like any and my eyeball is getting really bad like if I I don't
know how I like it it looks okay on camera but in person
it's like it's really saggy in person but because the camera so close to my
face it's okay thank you I don't know but I don't want
to get it mixed or anything I just would like it to not say egg muffin time and
then depending on how much energy or whatever I have left over then maybe we
will make gingerbread dough because at this
be in the fridge for a long time before it can be baked I don't know but anyways
when TPD my back feels like I'm gonna fall apart into two don't even know imma
backward so much why yes I am sitting on the ground in the kitchen right now but
we are we are not doing like one leg balancing I barely have two leg
balancing right now and think that's all what happened today so nothing stuff is
out so I'll turn on the oven and then do we will be making my E
you
y'all ran out of battery partway through that but I'm not making the gingerbread
today so I'm too tired feels like my legs are gonna fall off and now I'm
trying to clean up the counter cuz I spilled a batter on the counter it's not
really coming out so I'm just gonna put towel over it and well I'll just get
some water and it'll clean up off of it but now I need to edit a videos or yeah
I guess that's editing them and wait for these muffins to come out I think I
already said this this morning about how I was talking esterday disease about how
I either need my body you to like figure itself out and start working or to hurry
up this downhill because I need help basically my body is tired I am tired Oh
No and I'm kind of scared for the progression of this because the laying
flat on my back and not being able to breathe like last night I wasn't even
flat I was just kind of like propped up over there resting and I started to get
that like I wasn't like flat but I also wasn't like sitting up and I started to
get that and I was like oh my gosh so I don't know what's happening but I just
I'm kind of scared but also like ready for what I mean how could you ever be
prepared but I'm also just like like ready to fight this basically as my body
starts to not want to work anymore or well it's not what to work the way we
need it to and so like today my back is killing me
my legs hurt okay my hurting is like my understatement for this situation that's
happening in my legs really they just feel like they're like on fire but at
the same time I can't really feel them like you know when you like sprain your
ankle or something and it feels off and it gets all puffy and it feel and you
can kind of feel like it doesn't feel right and it's just like hurts and it's
big well that's how my legs feel but they're not swollen they're just they
don't like they don't feel right but they also like massively hurt and they
tingle and they're kind of numb like the other day I'm pretty sure I
dislocated or broke my big toe because it like kills when I step on it now and
my ankles hurt like I kind of feel like my after this next mg will I put the
brace back on my leg because then I won't trip and I will be more steady
maybe but I just I haven't talked like really talked about a lot of this and a
lot and a while on here but uh like I don't even know how to put it but the
day to day progression of all this is hard and I'm like trying but it just
hurts oh I like some days I just don't want to keep going but truthfully it I
feel like I'm ready for what my body is going to bring next because of this last
emotional like time I had where I was just over it
I was over everything but like after each of those times I
feel like renewed strength and stuff so or not strength but like emotional
stability and strength because truthfully my body's the getting weaker
and sometimes it's hard to handle it I hope nobody won't seen that dorks that
would scare me my dad's home working from home today and there's muffins in
the oven and I'm talking in my room lovely but tonight I don't think we have
anything exciting planned and I'm kind of just feeling like I want to go back
to bed right now but at the same time I don't I am like in such a struggle with
sleeping too because I'm afraid to fall asleep because of the UM the amount of
like fear there is towards not breathing in your sleep dad and then I'm afraid to
wake up because I'm in so much pain when I wake up it's really a lose-lose
situation other I fall asleep or if I don't so I haven't been going to bed
till like or falling actually asleep until like 2:00 or 3:00 in the morning
every night lately and it's terrible because then I'm not sleeping very much
and so my body's running on less and my body requires quite a bit of sleep like
I could sleep like 17 hours I'd feel pretty much the same but my body would
at least have the energy to keep going but right now I'm kind of just like
slowly like because I'm not sleeping and I'm in pain they're like laying a mess
and stuff and dealing and everything well no all the pain and everything it
gets it's terrible in the morning it gets like slightly more tolerable or I'm
just like in the dirt like as the day progressed I kind of get more like I'm
gonna do this with whether my body is cooperating or not
then at night it gets like a billion times worse again so I don't know it has
hopefully well I don't even know if I want to help for that but I do know I
don't know if I talked about this this morning or not but if I did here it is
again and that autonomic Disease Center which
is another neurologist they called last night although for some reason their
phone numbers connected to Singapore even though they're in Stanford
California like Palo Alto California
there they called last night at like 6:30 or something and then they they
said that you just needed to call it this morning or I guess I could have
called that she calls because she's my driver most of the time and to make an
appointment for that appointment to finally be scheduled a while back they
had called I don't know why they called billion times they don't just schedule
when they call but whatever because they called a few weeks ago and told her they
would be calling to set an appointment and she's sake and why don't we schedule
now since we're both on the phone e but whatevs so I'm an edit videos now and
then I'll probably just do my awkward thing where I film that outro slash
close out the vlog like two hour or no like six hours later or where the this
is just end so but if I forget to film that clip and Welton's inside okay that
was a really random statement but bye
For more infomation >> Breakthroughs in schizophrenia research and treatment happening in San Antonio - Duration: 3:59. 
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